Busy Days

I hate when I have busy days, although I also hate to be idle. I have an appointment at 2 p.m. then off to get Kayla and Tony from school then to the twins school for a holiday party, then home to do baths and all the fun mommy stuff. Last, Tony has a concert tonight that I have to go to. I was suppose to work 4 hours, but I can't. I hate to be busy and turn down money that I really could use now. Sorry....just venting!

Today was an uneventful day. It is amazing how quick boredom sets in when you are outside your usual schedule. School is a hassle and adds to the hustle and bustle of my life, but it gives me something to focus my attention on. I never realized how structured I have become with school on my plate, and now that I have 3 weeks off and a hell of a lot of time on my hands, it is shocking that I don't know what to do with myself (LOL). I have out casted most of my friends, so that takes away an outlet. Other friends are too busy to talk on the phone. Some have nothing to say, and most have work that keeps them busy. I have become miserable over the past few days with this bored feeling that consumes me...Please help. I could do housework, or wrap some gifts, but nothing seems too appealing to draw me in to it. How can I complain you ask? That is what I do best!

Christmas

Christmas is only a few days away. Shocking when you think about how quick the weeks went by. The spirit of the holiday has escaped me again this year. I don't know why at this time of the year I am hit with a case of the grumps. It happens each year and I begin to despise the holiday itself. The true meaning of the holiday is the birth of Jesus Christ, which often get lost in the mist of Christmas presents and money problems. I think that is why I really don't care for the holiday as a whole. The Christmas holiday should be spent with family and friends, and it just is so commercialized that people avoid each other at the prospect that they were not able to buy someone that special gift. The season is not about giving as people recall, but it is about loving and caring and spending that special time with your loved ones.

I look on craigslist and see all the requests for help to supply gifts. I have been in the same shoes as these moms before and I decided long ago that I would not be in that place this year. Therefore, I made the decision to keep Christmas small. The kids chose four gifts that they really wanted, and I did my best to make sure that all four gifts were purchased. Thankfully they chose cheap gifts that were in my budget. I want my children to realize that Christmas is not about what is under the tree but about the people in their lives. I used to feel that the more gifts that crested my tree the better off we all were, and believe me the house has been fulled to the point of not being able to walk around. The kids would actually get board with unwrapping and half the gifts would stay under the tree unwrapped for a few days until they were in the mood again. How do you think that made me feel when I considered the idea that they had gotten too much. I think of the children that have nothing under the tree.

The bottom line is that we must celebrate love and peace and happiness instead of the gift cards, presents, and crafty gifts that we all want and love. Open each gift with the idea that you are a lucky person in this world if you have but one gift to open. With the bites of your dinner think about those that are eating scraps because money is oh so tight, and think about that mom that is out there crying because she has nothing to offer her children for the morning. Know that she probably was forced to reveal the truth about Santa Clause so the children were not disappointed with their belief in this Jolly man.

I hope this entry is not a downer to anyone but more of an eye opener in the end. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I PASSED!!!

I am so relieved at knowing that I passed another semester of nursing. I was dancing when I learned the results. This semester was the toughest I faced thus far, but thankfully, I have completed 3 and only have 1 more to go....YIPPIE!

This nursing school process has been time consuming, anxiety rising, and a damn pain in the neck sometimes, but I believe in my ♥ that it will all be worth it in the end. I never really wanted to be a nurse when I thought about it and I still don't necessarily want to be a nurse now, but I know that when I start something I have to finish it or I will feel incomplete.

I am grateful for Mae in my life because without her I would loose my mind and I would never have made it as far as I have. I like to believe that I have the self-esteem and drive of a strong person, but she is truly my drive and inner encouragement. When I feel low and like I just can't do this anymore, she gives me that push that I need to get up another day and keep going for all the right reasons. Her love for me, her push, and her helpful hand when it comes to raising my children is the only thing that has really made me push to the finish line.

Besides Mae I have to thank all the dear friends that I have made while attending college. We met as all newbies to this experience. Four girls that really are extremely opposites joined forces with each other and decided that we would all help each other through this process. I don't think that we ever intended to become the friends that we did, but truly we have all become the four musketeers...then along came a fifth one Elizabeth...which we call Boner. Everyone at school has come to know that we are always all together, and that is the way that we like it.

I am eager to get started on this next journey through my last semester of college. I will walk across that stage in May knowing that I worked hard and tried my best, and I will be the best nurse that I can be when it is all said and done. Though I will not be done with this journey for another 3 years by the time I really can walk away feeling accomplished, I know that I have made a success of myself and my children will have someone to be proud of when they grow up and understand the meaning of a career.

So to end this blog...I thank God every waking moment and with every accomplishment. I thank my family for listening to my complaints. I think my children for sacrificing time with me so that I can take the time to learn myself. I thank my friends for holding my hand through this process and truly understanding what I feel when i feel it, and I would like to thank the bottle of Bacardi that I meet with during stressful times (LOL).

Hope you enjoyed this