Busy Days

I hate when I have busy days, although I also hate to be idle. I have an appointment at 2 p.m. then off to get Kayla and Tony from school then to the twins school for a holiday party, then home to do baths and all the fun mommy stuff. Last, Tony has a concert tonight that I have to go to. I was suppose to work 4 hours, but I can't. I hate to be busy and turn down money that I really could use now. Sorry....just venting!

Today was an uneventful day. It is amazing how quick boredom sets in when you are outside your usual schedule. School is a hassle and adds to the hustle and bustle of my life, but it gives me something to focus my attention on. I never realized how structured I have become with school on my plate, and now that I have 3 weeks off and a hell of a lot of time on my hands, it is shocking that I don't know what to do with myself (LOL). I have out casted most of my friends, so that takes away an outlet. Other friends are too busy to talk on the phone. Some have nothing to say, and most have work that keeps them busy. I have become miserable over the past few days with this bored feeling that consumes me...Please help. I could do housework, or wrap some gifts, but nothing seems too appealing to draw me in to it. How can I complain you ask? That is what I do best!

Christmas

Christmas is only a few days away. Shocking when you think about how quick the weeks went by. The spirit of the holiday has escaped me again this year. I don't know why at this time of the year I am hit with a case of the grumps. It happens each year and I begin to despise the holiday itself. The true meaning of the holiday is the birth of Jesus Christ, which often get lost in the mist of Christmas presents and money problems. I think that is why I really don't care for the holiday as a whole. The Christmas holiday should be spent with family and friends, and it just is so commercialized that people avoid each other at the prospect that they were not able to buy someone that special gift. The season is not about giving as people recall, but it is about loving and caring and spending that special time with your loved ones.

I look on craigslist and see all the requests for help to supply gifts. I have been in the same shoes as these moms before and I decided long ago that I would not be in that place this year. Therefore, I made the decision to keep Christmas small. The kids chose four gifts that they really wanted, and I did my best to make sure that all four gifts were purchased. Thankfully they chose cheap gifts that were in my budget. I want my children to realize that Christmas is not about what is under the tree but about the people in their lives. I used to feel that the more gifts that crested my tree the better off we all were, and believe me the house has been fulled to the point of not being able to walk around. The kids would actually get board with unwrapping and half the gifts would stay under the tree unwrapped for a few days until they were in the mood again. How do you think that made me feel when I considered the idea that they had gotten too much. I think of the children that have nothing under the tree.

The bottom line is that we must celebrate love and peace and happiness instead of the gift cards, presents, and crafty gifts that we all want and love. Open each gift with the idea that you are a lucky person in this world if you have but one gift to open. With the bites of your dinner think about those that are eating scraps because money is oh so tight, and think about that mom that is out there crying because she has nothing to offer her children for the morning. Know that she probably was forced to reveal the truth about Santa Clause so the children were not disappointed with their belief in this Jolly man.

I hope this entry is not a downer to anyone but more of an eye opener in the end. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I PASSED!!!

I am so relieved at knowing that I passed another semester of nursing. I was dancing when I learned the results. This semester was the toughest I faced thus far, but thankfully, I have completed 3 and only have 1 more to go....YIPPIE!

This nursing school process has been time consuming, anxiety rising, and a damn pain in the neck sometimes, but I believe in my ♥ that it will all be worth it in the end. I never really wanted to be a nurse when I thought about it and I still don't necessarily want to be a nurse now, but I know that when I start something I have to finish it or I will feel incomplete.

I am grateful for Mae in my life because without her I would loose my mind and I would never have made it as far as I have. I like to believe that I have the self-esteem and drive of a strong person, but she is truly my drive and inner encouragement. When I feel low and like I just can't do this anymore, she gives me that push that I need to get up another day and keep going for all the right reasons. Her love for me, her push, and her helpful hand when it comes to raising my children is the only thing that has really made me push to the finish line.

Besides Mae I have to thank all the dear friends that I have made while attending college. We met as all newbies to this experience. Four girls that really are extremely opposites joined forces with each other and decided that we would all help each other through this process. I don't think that we ever intended to become the friends that we did, but truly we have all become the four musketeers...then along came a fifth one Elizabeth...which we call Boner. Everyone at school has come to know that we are always all together, and that is the way that we like it.

I am eager to get started on this next journey through my last semester of college. I will walk across that stage in May knowing that I worked hard and tried my best, and I will be the best nurse that I can be when it is all said and done. Though I will not be done with this journey for another 3 years by the time I really can walk away feeling accomplished, I know that I have made a success of myself and my children will have someone to be proud of when they grow up and understand the meaning of a career.

So to end this blog...I thank God every waking moment and with every accomplishment. I thank my family for listening to my complaints. I think my children for sacrificing time with me so that I can take the time to learn myself. I thank my friends for holding my hand through this process and truly understanding what I feel when i feel it, and I would like to thank the bottle of Bacardi that I meet with during stressful times (LOL).

Hope you enjoyed this

Movies

I saw 2 great movies this weekend. One was called "The Secret Life of Bees" and the other was "A family that Prays". They both were great movies and highly recommended. Neither were complete tear jerkers which are my favorite kinds of movies to watch but I still appreciated the acting and the message that both movies provided me. The popcorn was still the best part. So if you have the opportunity to see either movie you should...Don't waste the money to go to the cinema just rent them when they come out.

I Did It!

Hello Again,

As you know my competency and unit exam were today. I passed my competency and the unit exam turned out to be harder then expected, but I will not find out that grade until next Wednesday. So, my fingers are crossed and I am praying BIG TIME!

The competency went well and I chose a random card with 2 easy things to do. I was extra excited to have gotten the skills that I did. I was nervous as hell and nerves are often the downfall of the people that fail the first time around. I had to perform a sterile technique and I dropped all my extra supplies on the floor....that makes them non-sterile. Then I had to open up a total of 3 sterile kits because I kept messing up and contaminating everything. At one point I started to shake and seemed to loose the ability to breathe because I was at a stand still and did not know what to do next. Finally, my rationalizing portion of my brain kicked in and I was able to critically think about the steps I had to take to get through it. All of my friends made it through with success thus far, but our success resulted in a day full of laughter. Laughter is a good thing especially when it comes with nose snorting (Oink).

I don't know what I would do without the friends that I have made at school standing by my side. The are my counterparts and pull me through a little more then anyone else because the know what I go through on this endeavor through nursing school. I am extra thankful for having met them and bonded the way that we have. Then I get to come home to Mae and my kids and get a different kind of support but still the support that I very much need in my life...LOVE. There is nothing like Love from all areas of your social circle.

Stressed out AGAIN!

Tomorrow is a big day that is causing me high anxiety and a lot of stress. I have that competency that I talked about and I have Unit Exam #3 for nursing. I was pretty confident about this exam until today when our teachers presented us with a lot of new information that no one really knew much about. I was pissed that we would just be getting this information less then 24 hours before the test. This test is on cardiac problems and respiratory problems.....both of which are hard topics to grasp. I am very confused, anxious, upset, and bothered. My friends seem to be in the same place as me so their knowledge does not differ from mine...That is a bit frightening. All I can say is pray for me and wish me a lot of luck. Lord knows I need as much help as possible. All though I forgot to report that I did very well on my last test which brought my average up to at least passing....YIPPEE!!!!

Wish me luck and send me good vibes.

Finally have a weekend off

I am extra excited to finally have a weekend off. I am sure that I will still be busy with the kids, but busy with family vs. busy with work is two different tired feelings. I have a very busy week coming up at school next week, and I am anticipating alot of stress related to this coming week. I have Unit Exam for nursing on 2 very hard topics and then I have a competency that I have to perform in front of my instructors. For those of you who don't know what a competency is, it is a set of skills that you have to perform in a certain amount of time while being watched by your instructors. You go into it blind and have no idea what skills you will have to perform. You are escorted through the halls with the instructors and you have to choose a folder and some cards from a pile. The card and the folders tell you what you have to do and then you are timed fro 50 mins to do 2 skills and documentation of your findings. Nerves get the best of alot of people and cause them to fail. If you fail the first time you get one more chance the week of Thanksgiving, and if you fail again...You are out of the nursing program. It is very stressful and hard to figure out. On top of the competency, I have the unit exam the same day....YIKES. I have not done well on the past two test and have been very stressed out about it, so I have got to do well on this test to be able to pull my spirits back up as well as my grades. I really am worried but I know with some studying and time management I can probably pull this off. I don't know why nursing school has to be so hard, but it is not for the weak souls out there. It takes tough skin and a drive like no other to get through this program. I know in the end it will have been worth it, but sometimes it is hard to believe that one.

Thanks for letting me vent.

New to Blogging thing.

I am new to this blogging thing, but my cousin showed me her page, so I figured I would give it a shot. I like the concept of journaling about different things in my life, but I also know that I am not always committed to updating a journal. I look forward to having a spot to vent about issues that I am currently facing. I just have to remember that I have this thing to journal in. LOL.
I will update this blog on an on needed basis.