Dream Job

I have been a nurse of nearly 2 years and I have had a dream of becoming a L&D nurse for about 4 years. I had a desire as a young girl to become an OB/GYN, but my life choices of becoming a mother at the tender age or 16 revamped my life goals.
I had placed my desires on the back burner and accepted that school for an extended period of time was out of the question since by my senior year of high school was a statistic and on my way to baby number 2. I graduated and delivered a premature baby within 2 weeks and my life took a dramatic turn. Life was no longer about me and my issues but were then life was redirected to the unhealthy status of my newborn 2 lbs. 6 oz. son. My every breath was consumed with getting him well enough to come home, which I never thought would happen.
After 3 long months in the hospital, Tony was finally released to my hand for 100% care and nurturing. At the young age of 18 I have a 2 year old daughter and a very frail/sick newborn son just barely 5 lbs and still far from healthy.
I up and moved to NJ to start a new life with these 2 beautiful babies which just added to more fears and concerns for all of us. I decided at that time that I would pursue a certificate program in Medical Assisting and excepted that this would be my fate.
You grow up and realize that there is more to life then being on the bottom of the totem pole. I met my partner of 10 years now and she gave me all the incentive and inspiration to be the best me I could be. I gave birth to twins when I was much older and wiser, and from that day forward I wanted nothing more then to have my children ref err to me in the context of having a career and not just a job. I wanted my children to be proud of what their mother was and whom she has become. So onto nursing school I went.
I made it known from the very beginning that I wanted nothing more then to be an L&D nurse, but no one seemed willing to hear my screams. I sent resume after resume begging for consideration in their L&D department, but no one was willing to hire me, so onto a medical/surgical unit I went but no without digging my heals in and not wanting to be pulled in that direction.
Having to go the route of med/surg was not easy but now I can look at this experience and realize that I have had the opportunity to learn so much more then if I went into a specialty. Never will I regret working med/surg, nor will I forget a lot of the patients I cared for.
To be given the chance to work in L&D in a nursing role is my life long dream, and I will forever be grateful for being given this chance. I look so forward to playing the role in a laboring mom's life during that most special time of welcoming life. I thank God for being with me during this journey and I know that with him all things are possible, and he has now brought me to this point in my life and gave me reason to love my job/ my life/ and him.
Dream Job hear I come....April 8th is my start date and I can't wait until I step foot on that floor and walk in the shoes of the best place on earth....A Labor & Delivery unit! Yippie

Weight lose Challenge

So I know that alot of people challenge themselves to loose weight for the New Year, and I have decided to do the same thing for myself. I have pledge to do the Weight Watcher diet with my cousin Michelle. It is nice to know that I have someone else to do this with, but it is not too easy with all the temptations that are out there screaming your name. I know that I can eat almost anything that I want as long as I delete the points from my daily consumption. I am searching for that drive to add exercise to my method of dieting, but I lack that drive that I need to make this happen for me. I think back to the time that I did the exercising for just 3 months and drop 40 lbs...Whoa what an accomplishment that was for me. I remember feeling so excited and loving the fact that I fit in the same jeans as my younger sister did, so now all I have to do is make it happen. I look at that damn machine all day, but just don't step on it....GRRR! Frustrating. It is amazing how lazy a person can get after awhile. I will find that drive in the coming days, and I look forward to writing that I did get onto the machine....so be looking out for that blog.

Wish me luck...this is pound for pound and day by day.

Welcome 2009

This is my first post for January 2009, and I hope one of many promising updates. Now that we are in a new year I can look back on 2008 and be thankful for all the blessings and good things that came along with that year, and hope for many new blessings for this year.

I have to be thankful for having a healthy family & the ability to breathe another day. I have to be thankful for having a house above me, heat to warm me, and food to feed me, but most of all the love that I get from each member of my family. So, 2008 offered me alot to be grateful for.

As for 2009, I have a lot of hopes and dreams for this year, and all I can do is hope that God is listening to my prayers. I know with God all things are possible, so with his guidance this year, I can only hope that all my dreams will be fulfilled.

We are planning on moving this year, actually within the next few months. We are hoping to be able to get the home of our dreams. Nothing big or special by far, but one that suits our needs and provides the space we need for my family to grow and thrive. We know that we have a lot of work to do to get to that point, but our goal is to make this dream a reality. If things do not go in that direction for whatever the reason we will go with plan B and rent a house for a reasonable about of money until we are able to get that house that we want so badly.

I will be graduating come May and then continuing onto a new school that will push me through 2 degrees in a matter of 2.5 years. Yes, I know it will be hard and very trying on my patience and time, but I know that it will all be worth it in the end. With the continued support from Mae and the constant patience from my children and of course God's support I will be a proud graduate with a Master's degree come 2012.

I never imagined that my life would turn out to be as fulfilled as it has been but to my surprise, I have so much in my life to hold dear to my heart. I don't share these feelings much since I am often clouded with complaints and feelings of frustration, but this is what my heart feels all the time.

I listen to the heart break that others feel due to the lack of supports in their lives, and believe me I know in my full soul what it feels like to be in the place that they are in. I lived that very same way for almost 10 years of my life, but I was blessed with meeting the best person that there is in this world for me, and she has changed me into the person that I have always desired to be. Mae has taught me to be confident, to care about myself so that I can care for others, and to reach for the stars. I have done all of these things and have never been happier.

With all this being said....thank you for a great 2008 and I hope that 2009 brings the same if not more fulfillment into my heart. For those of you out there that feel like things can't get any worst, know that they could but if you hope and "pray" things will be lifted in the right direction. Everyone must struggle a bit to get where they want to be, but with hard work and goals at hand, anything this possible.

Happy New Year!

Busy Days

I hate when I have busy days, although I also hate to be idle. I have an appointment at 2 p.m. then off to get Kayla and Tony from school then to the twins school for a holiday party, then home to do baths and all the fun mommy stuff. Last, Tony has a concert tonight that I have to go to. I was suppose to work 4 hours, but I can't. I hate to be busy and turn down money that I really could use now. Sorry....just venting!

Today was an uneventful day. It is amazing how quick boredom sets in when you are outside your usual schedule. School is a hassle and adds to the hustle and bustle of my life, but it gives me something to focus my attention on. I never realized how structured I have become with school on my plate, and now that I have 3 weeks off and a hell of a lot of time on my hands, it is shocking that I don't know what to do with myself (LOL). I have out casted most of my friends, so that takes away an outlet. Other friends are too busy to talk on the phone. Some have nothing to say, and most have work that keeps them busy. I have become miserable over the past few days with this bored feeling that consumes me...Please help. I could do housework, or wrap some gifts, but nothing seems too appealing to draw me in to it. How can I complain you ask? That is what I do best!

Christmas

Christmas is only a few days away. Shocking when you think about how quick the weeks went by. The spirit of the holiday has escaped me again this year. I don't know why at this time of the year I am hit with a case of the grumps. It happens each year and I begin to despise the holiday itself. The true meaning of the holiday is the birth of Jesus Christ, which often get lost in the mist of Christmas presents and money problems. I think that is why I really don't care for the holiday as a whole. The Christmas holiday should be spent with family and friends, and it just is so commercialized that people avoid each other at the prospect that they were not able to buy someone that special gift. The season is not about giving as people recall, but it is about loving and caring and spending that special time with your loved ones.

I look on craigslist and see all the requests for help to supply gifts. I have been in the same shoes as these moms before and I decided long ago that I would not be in that place this year. Therefore, I made the decision to keep Christmas small. The kids chose four gifts that they really wanted, and I did my best to make sure that all four gifts were purchased. Thankfully they chose cheap gifts that were in my budget. I want my children to realize that Christmas is not about what is under the tree but about the people in their lives. I used to feel that the more gifts that crested my tree the better off we all were, and believe me the house has been fulled to the point of not being able to walk around. The kids would actually get board with unwrapping and half the gifts would stay under the tree unwrapped for a few days until they were in the mood again. How do you think that made me feel when I considered the idea that they had gotten too much. I think of the children that have nothing under the tree.

The bottom line is that we must celebrate love and peace and happiness instead of the gift cards, presents, and crafty gifts that we all want and love. Open each gift with the idea that you are a lucky person in this world if you have but one gift to open. With the bites of your dinner think about those that are eating scraps because money is oh so tight, and think about that mom that is out there crying because she has nothing to offer her children for the morning. Know that she probably was forced to reveal the truth about Santa Clause so the children were not disappointed with their belief in this Jolly man.

I hope this entry is not a downer to anyone but more of an eye opener in the end. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I PASSED!!!

I am so relieved at knowing that I passed another semester of nursing. I was dancing when I learned the results. This semester was the toughest I faced thus far, but thankfully, I have completed 3 and only have 1 more to go....YIPPIE!

This nursing school process has been time consuming, anxiety rising, and a damn pain in the neck sometimes, but I believe in my ♥ that it will all be worth it in the end. I never really wanted to be a nurse when I thought about it and I still don't necessarily want to be a nurse now, but I know that when I start something I have to finish it or I will feel incomplete.

I am grateful for Mae in my life because without her I would loose my mind and I would never have made it as far as I have. I like to believe that I have the self-esteem and drive of a strong person, but she is truly my drive and inner encouragement. When I feel low and like I just can't do this anymore, she gives me that push that I need to get up another day and keep going for all the right reasons. Her love for me, her push, and her helpful hand when it comes to raising my children is the only thing that has really made me push to the finish line.

Besides Mae I have to thank all the dear friends that I have made while attending college. We met as all newbies to this experience. Four girls that really are extremely opposites joined forces with each other and decided that we would all help each other through this process. I don't think that we ever intended to become the friends that we did, but truly we have all become the four musketeers...then along came a fifth one Elizabeth...which we call Boner. Everyone at school has come to know that we are always all together, and that is the way that we like it.

I am eager to get started on this next journey through my last semester of college. I will walk across that stage in May knowing that I worked hard and tried my best, and I will be the best nurse that I can be when it is all said and done. Though I will not be done with this journey for another 3 years by the time I really can walk away feeling accomplished, I know that I have made a success of myself and my children will have someone to be proud of when they grow up and understand the meaning of a career.

So to end this blog...I thank God every waking moment and with every accomplishment. I thank my family for listening to my complaints. I think my children for sacrificing time with me so that I can take the time to learn myself. I thank my friends for holding my hand through this process and truly understanding what I feel when i feel it, and I would like to thank the bottle of Bacardi that I meet with during stressful times (LOL).

Hope you enjoyed this